Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
