THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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