Pants 0. Shit 1.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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