I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
