I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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