you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
