She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
