can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
