it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
