What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
