If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
