dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
