Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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