his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I need to calm my uterus...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
