sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
