her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my being single is dangerous.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
