Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
