ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
