i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
True strength comes from lack of pants
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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