I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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