I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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