She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
