a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
