so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
