It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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