Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
