i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
