Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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