I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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