dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
