You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
