i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
