My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
