Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
