so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
