Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
