is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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