Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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