I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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