also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
