they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
