This house was built for laser tag.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
