Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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