She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
