He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
