I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
