i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
