East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
