there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have fence marks all over my body
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
