Do vagina's smell?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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