is your mom at the bar?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
