ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
