nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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