I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
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She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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