do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
