I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
