listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
