rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
