she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
