I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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