yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You are a genius and a whore.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
