none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
