I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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