I accidentally had phone sex last night
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
