That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
