Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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