Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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