white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
