So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
