he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
