there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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