i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
