While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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