My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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