i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
