I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
