Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
