I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize