i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
