fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
