this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
